That pretty much sums up my life right now! Wow, it's been forever since I have written anything. I say that a lot. Oh well. I'm struggling with a lot of things... the never ending stress my AZ house causes, my out of control body (although things are definately getting better these days), my desire to want to move somewhere new (again), and most importantly, Dawson. I love that child to pieces. He is my whole world. He is also 2 1/2 years old lol. He is constantly testing us these days. It wouldn't be as bad if I felt more normal. These days, I really feel bad when I get upset with him; when I lose my patience with him. How many times do you really need to tell them to stop doing something before they actually stop?! All I really think about is my friend who recently lost her little girl, literally out of no where. I think about how she would give anything to be upset about stupid things, like refusing a diaper change or repetitive banging on the table. I feel bad when I get stern with Dawson, thinking, "what if this is the last night I get with him"? It's an incredible power struggle. I find it hard not to give in these days. I was most definately a sucker before... and Dawson is most definately spoiled rotten... but I love every minute of it. I don't think he is spoiled into being a brat. He definately has boundaries, however, my battles with him are much weaker since this experience. It makes me feel like a bad parent sometimes. I suppose I will adjust and get back into the swing of things as time goes on, but for now, it's a struggle.
I realize I am just rambling... but I felt I needed a place to vent. I should make more time to blog. I feel better when I do, but I just don't have the time... or at least don't make the time. Once Dawson goes to bed, I just want to veg on the couch! Or, right now, I suppose I am working on something a little more productive, which is his scrapbook. I was inspired to finish and keep up with it after this whole experience. I am glad I have it started and I really do enjoy working on it... it's just that scrapbooking takes a lot of time and a lot of mess! Maybe I will turn our spare bedroom into a place to leave my stuff out... hrmmm......
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